Rise
by Writer for the Tylwyth Teg
Summary: Written for Midoriko-sama's fic "Becoming Lífþrasir." This oneshot depicts Hiccup's first winter on his own after leaving Berk, and let's just say he didn't do so well at first...


**A/N: This is a oneshot written for Midoriko-sama's fanfic Becoming Lífþrasir, and the sequel Winter in Lif's Holt. They're amazing, and if you haven't read them yet, I don't know what you've been doing with your life. xD This oneshot takes place during Hiccup's first winter on his own, and he didn't do so well at first. This is also an early Christmas present for Midoriko-sama, who is such a lovely, sassy individual who amuses me constantly and I will always be grateful that she deems me worthy to exchange words with. Hope you enjoy it dear!**

"Well, that's the last of it," Hiccup sighed morosely, tossing the stick that held nothing but the bones of the fish that had been his dinner into the fire.

Toothless, who was lying down behind his friend, warbled worriedly. Hiccup shrugged.

"It's been snowing like crazy for four days straight. I don't think it's going to let up anytime soon." He leaned against Toothless' side, savoring the warmth that emanated from his scaly hide and the fire that flickered in front of him. Toothless glanced at the cracks in their hut, watching the furious flakes whip by.

He knew his rider was right, but they had been barely making it as it was. It was Hiccup's first winter on his own, and they had done the best they could, especially since Hiccup couldn't hunt worth beans and Toothless ate pretty much everything they did catch, but that was only because he was so much bigger and needed it. Now the first big snowstorm of the season had hit, destroying the small chance they had of catching anything to eat, and who knew how long it would last. It could blow on for a day, or a week, or even for a month. And Hiccup had just taken the last bite of their last fish.

The little Viking sighed, and shivered harshly as an especially strong draft blew through the hut. He pressed himself against Toothless tightly, drawing the bear-fur blanket up until it covered his neck and curling into a ball to conserve warmth. Toothless purred, empathy blazing through him at the sight of Hiccup shivering so hard. He wrapped his tail around him, drawing him into his warmth even further.

"T-Thanks bud," Hiccup said through chattering teeth. Toothless blew a breath against his hair, covered him with his wing, and curled around his boy as best he could.

There was really nothing for it. He took Toothless' hint and curled up in the cocoon of warmth, bringing the blanket up to cover his nose, which was so cold that the breaths he drew in were painful and scorched the delicate lining. Soon, a comfortable temperature began to build, and Hiccup felt himself growing drowsier and drowsier, despite such thoughts as to how he and Toothless were going to survive until the snowstorm let up.

Slowly, he fell asleep, painfully aware of the cooked fish filling his belly and wishing he could slow down the digestion of it. Especially when it would be the last thing he would eat for quite a long time.

000

Hiccup knew what hunger was like. Every Viking did. Sometimes food had to be rationed in weather like this, and while a person may not have received three meals a day, they at least got _something_ to take the edge off. It was the only thing that kept tempers shortened by a lack of food from exploding completely.

But _this_…this was _agony_.

It had been three days since that fish. It seemed so far away now, especially when his empty stomach was the only thing Hiccup could focus on nowadays, whether he wanted to or not. The thing griped at him constantly, churning and sending sharp, painful flashes of weakness throughout his limbs that frightened him greatly. It was like a great monster that clawed at his ribs, begging for _food_, something, anything, howling at his brain and over-stimulating the part that told him his stomach was empty and he needed to fill it.

But the problem was, he _couldn't_ fill it. There was literally _nothing_ inside the hut that was even remotely like food, except for perhaps some of the leather that lined or made up some of Hiccup's clothes, but he wasn't that desperate. And after a failed attempt to knock down the door of the hut, which was clearly blocked by snow that reached up to the roof, it really was impossible to get out. They were stuck.

Hiccup sat on the frozen floor, leaning against his bed and trying to will himself to stop shivering. It wasn't doing him any good; shivering just caused his body to burn fat he just plain didn't have in a desperate effort to keep itself warm. Only now was he regretting not being as ruddy as the other boys his age at home.

Home…

No, he wasn't going to think about that. If he started thinking about home…no, he could do this. Hiccup had said he was leaving home for good, and he meant to. He would make it through this. He always made it through bad things.

Toothless stood up from his place across the room, walked over to Hiccup, and bent his head to regard him questioningly. Hiccup sighed; at least Toothless was doing better than he was. He had far more fat to burn off, and an internal furnace that Hiccup was focusing all his attention on keeping heated properly, or else he knew Toothless would go into a forced coma and die as a result. Besides, focusing on his dragon kept his attention off his own aches and pains.

Speaking of, his belly growled again, harshly and angrily, furious at the body it belonged to for not doing as it asked. It couldn't understand why Hiccup was being so stupid and wouldn't relieve his own pain and weakness. Wasn't he tired of it? What did it have to _do_ to make him listen, to understand that his body was just trying to _live_? Hiccup whimpered and thumped his middle with a fist in his frustration, hoping the onset of pain would make it shut up for a while. Toothless crooned, eyes wide and worried. Hiccup let his head flop limply to the side to regard him.

"Aw Toothless, it just…I'm…" he sighed and closed his eyes. "I'm hungry, bud. I'm just really hungry."

Toothless licked the side of his head sympathetically, hearing his boy's belly complain and understanding. He was hungry too, and at the moment they were brothers in misery. But he also knew that Hiccup was much smaller than he was, and even small by human standards, and couldn't afford to go without food for long. He had to eat something, and soon.

But for now, they could only hunker together against the raging storm, the only sounds being the endless wind whipping past, Hiccup's enraged stomach cursing him out and continuing to punish him with flushes of weakness and a colder core temperature, and Hiccup's pitiful, frustrated crying as a result.

And Toothless could do nothing to help but purr and lick his boy's tears, offering comfort and warmth in whatever way he could. As much as he hated it, for all his prestige as a Night Fury and all the danger that came with that name, he was powerless.

000

At the end of the second week after Hiccup's last meal, the little Viking didn't have the strength or the will to get out of bed at all.

Toothless became nearly frantic when all Hiccup did after several minutes of pawing at his rider and licking his face was roll over and regard him with glassy eyes. After a moan and a half-hearted command for Toothless to go lay down, he rolled back over, pulling the blanket further up around his shoulders. Toothless kept whining and nudging Hiccup in the small of his back; his rider smelled _wrong_. He didn't just smell hungry anymore, but sick as well, the sour scent of fever hanging over him in a way that lingered on Toothless' tongue and made him want to gag. It didn't surprise the dragon, really. Others of his kind, when they didn't get enough food, rarely died from that alone. Usually they became sick first and that was what killed them. Their bodies were simply too weak to fight illnesses anymore and Toothless knew that was what was happening to Hiccup. He roared and nosed Hiccup harder, trying everything in his power to get him on his feet. Nothing. Not a twitch.

He also knew that when those sick dragons lay down, they usually didn't get up again. And Toothless would die before he let that happen to his best friend.

With a determined growl, Toothless marched over to the stuck door of the hut. Using every scrap of strength left in his body, Toothless yanked the door open, only to have a mound of snow come tumbling in the doorway. He shot a fireball out in front of him, creating a perfect tunnel out of the house. They weren't going to starve, not if Toothless had anything to say about it. He had to at least try; he wasn't going to let his boy give up without a fight, even if Hiccup had no more fight left in him. The dragon sighed. He was just going to have to fight for the both of them.

He spared one last look at Hiccup, eyes wide and scared. He trotted over from the door, gave his boy several little licks (to which there was no response but a long suffering moan) and rubbed his face against his boy's, crooning in a way that might have meant "I'll be right back. Stay safe, and don't you dare die on me." Toothless gave him a final farewell lick, and bounded out the door before he could stop himself, slamming it shut on his way out.

Hiccup only shivered and huddled uselessly further under his blankets in response to the added draft.

000

Toothless had been gone for days, but Hiccup didn't keep track. He barely paid attention to whether it was day or night anymore, and the only times he got out of bed were to suck on chunks of snow to relieve his thirst (and to fill his terribly empty stomach with _something_) and then to empty his bladder when it became too full. And then it was rinse, lather and repeat. The fever kept him in bed too. It was a strange sensation, his head feeling too hot and muddled while the rest of his body was freezing and stiff. A cough had also developed that he couldn't shake, and he could feel mucus building unpleasantly in his lungs, making his breaths rattle unnecessarily loud. The worst part was, sometimes he would work himself into coughing fits so hard that he would be forced to just lay there and catch his breath for several minutes after they were over, in shock that his heart hadn't burst.

Hiccup supposed the depression came on from a number of factors. For one thing, he was far too weak and cold to get out of bed. Every time he sat up, his head would spin and his vision would pulse black at the edges. He could barely feel his extremities anymore; all the heat was sucked from them to try and keep his important organs warm. Physically incapable of getting out of bed soon turned to emotionally incapable as his body, with nothing else to occupy it, soon turned to thinking aimlessly.

He started out thinking of Berk and, well…just Berk in general: its people, his secret places that he called his own, the feeling of security associated with it. That was biggest downside of living in such a manner that you didn't belong anyplace. There was no feeling of security, no sure feeling that you had someplace safe to go when you felt scared, or lonely, or just wanted a pair of arms to wrap around you and a voice to murmur "it's alright." Now, he had none of that. Every day, there was no guarantee that he would get anything to eat, or that someone wouldn't kill him in his sleep. He was forced to be constantly on his guard and make decisions about survival that he wasn't ready to and he hated it so _much_. Honestly, Hiccup had known he was fragile in body, but for the first time he had found out just _how_ fragile he was, not just in body, but in spirit as well. He was beginning to break and he had no will to stop the cracks from forming.

That was the first time he realized it. This was it. There _was_ no hope of comfort, no way to ensure his safety and no hope that the night would lift from his eyes and show him the morning.

Well, there was one way. Hiccup could always…

…he could always admit defeat and go home.

Oh, the word tasted so heavenly on his tongue. Just…_home_. It was still there. He could just say that he had tried, but he had reached his limit. He could show up on his father's doorstep, emaciated face and terrible fever his ticket back in. And then he could sit in front of a cozy fire, thaw out his limbs, and suck down a hot meal. He could practically feel the fire, the heat washing over his frozen body, a thick, rich meal sliding down his throat and snuggling up in his stomach, chasing away the omnipresent ache and threading strength back in his veins…

Hiccup gasped awake, realizing he was in fact falling asleep. And with how cold his body had become, he wasn't sure that was a good idea. He sighed dejectedly as he was pulled painfully from his fantasy. Of course he was still here in this hut, still cold, still feverish, and still dying slowly. And worst of all, he couldn't bring himself to care.

Speaking of his father though, he found himself beginning to miss the people on Berk. Ever since he had left home, he had either run into no one, or the people he had encountered had been hostile. Hiccup found himself missing the simple idea of a friendly touch; a hug, a kiss, a hand on the shoulder. He had always thrived on touch, savoring it. It let him know he was cared for, and in the case of his father, that he had made him proud.

Right, that was why he had left. He was unwanted.

Frustrated tears began to well in Hiccup's eyes as two feelings began to war in his breast like wild beasts. The fact that he was unwanted tore at the throat of the fact that he wanted, above all, to go home.

The tears began to fall faster, made worse from the fact that another coughing fit seized him, leaving him red-faced and wheezing after it was finished, his chest aching hotly. It was such a basic instinct for creatures, to return to the place of their birth because it was deemed safe. Hiccup was a very small, frail boy in a very large world, and it was clear he couldn't take care of himself. He wanted…wanted…

"I want to go _hoooome_," Hiccup whined to no one, "I'm so sorry dad, I can't do this. It hurts…it hurts. I want…I want…"

_Astrid._

Hiccup's breath hitched. Just thinking the name made something grab at his heart in his chest and squeeze as if it was trying to halt its beating by suffocating it. Oh yeah. That something was her. The goddess (Asta, his secret name for her) had taken him by the heart when he turned twelve and led him around by it like it was the leash to his collar. And Hiccup was embarrassed to admit that he didn't mind one bit. He would gladly roll belly up and toss all of his dignity to the wind, if he had any, if it meant Astrid would return the desperate affection he held for her.

But he was unwanted. She would never be with him anyway, and he'd never see her again except in his fantasies, and those were…

Pleasure was the inverse of pain. The bringing about of one could cancel out the other, something Hiccup, who was frequent receiver of the more negative of the two opposites, learned very quickly. And when he felt the dogs of disappointment and shame nipping at his heels, he found he could escape reality for a while in a blinding moment of pleasure, and pretend that everything was okay as long as those endorphins were shuddering through his veins.

He could pretend, just for a while, as he took himself in hand under the furs on his bed and stroked softly, sensually at first, that he was with the most beautiful young woman in Midgard. He could pretend that the soft warmth of her body was rubbing against his possessively, marking him with her scent and claiming him as her mate. Hiccup would pick up the pace with his stroking and his toes would begin to curl, legs spreading widely, little squeaks and whimpers escaping without his consent. His silky, fluid young body would yield to her dominant presence and let her spread him out and do what she would with him. Her hot little mouth would be everywhere, fingers exploring intimate, dark places and turning his throat raw with his screams of sublime pleasure. And soon, his hand would be a blur and he would bite his bottom lip vulnerably to keep the noises in check and his goddess would have him coming hard, shamelessly, and for a while, nothing could penetrate the cloud of lust and ecstasy that encased him.

But then the pleasure would fade, and his muddled brain filled with half-working nerves would clear, and he would be hopelessly alone again.

And like right now, nothing would be any better than it was before.

So, Hiccup's desires continued to battle with reality, snarling and teeth flashing, all the while the body they belonged too grew closer to the darkness of the earth and further away from the light of the living.

000

Not surprisingly, it was Toothless who ended up saving Hiccup, in more ways than one.

Later that evening, the dragon had burst into the hut, mouth full of several rabbits, sopping wet and shivering hard. When Hiccup didn't move from the bed to acknowledge him, he hobbled over to his rider and whined weakly, touching him with his nose. Hiccup was facing him, and Toothless watched as he slowly opened his eyes. When he caught sight of his dragon, several expressions twitched across his face, the primary one being confusion with some surprise and disbelief mixed in. His bloodshot eyes flickered from Toothless' shivering body to the rabbits he held in his mouth, and he couldn't seem to decide if they were real or not. He stretched out a hand, to which Toothless placed his nose in, and rumbled insistently. Yes, he was real, and so were the rabbits.

Hiccup's eyes widened and nearly popped out of their sockets when his too-hot brain finally comprehended the images his eyes were showing him. Toothless had brought them food! He had risked his own life for them both and they were going to live and-

Holy shit, his scales felt like _ice_.

Hiccup practically flew out of bed, and then promptly collapsed on the floor. His head was spinning and his stomach suddenly felt as if it was trying to commit suicide as a result. When his vision cleared, he got a look at his hands, and for the first time noticed how thin they had become, stripped of their healthy layer of fat. He could only imagine that the rest of his body looked the same. His body was beginning to cannibalize its own muscles and he hadn't even noticed.

To hell with that. Toothless needed him. He could lay down and die after he had gotten his dragon warmed up and given him something to eat.

After many minutes of frantic scrambling (and several more minutes in which Hiccup had to pause to breathe and try his best not to faint) he had disassembled a stool, ripped up some cloth and tossed it into a pile. He then took one of his shirts and began to rub Toothless dry, focusing on his chest and stomach.

"Come on Toothless, you can do it," he encouraged, "We need a flame. Just a little spark bud, please! Or we'll…please Toothless!"

Toothless made several failed attempts at producing a flame, but finally managed to produce a tiny spark that latched onto the cloth and spread to the wood. Soon, the hut was awash with heat, and Hiccup set up to insulating the cracks as best he could with his shaking and numb fingers. Well, at least it was better than it was before. He then set to wrapping Toothless up in a pelt that was too small for him, but figured it was better than nothing at least.

It was then that he was reminded of the rabbits Toothless had placed by his bed.

Right, those needed to be cooked. But oh, Hiccup could feel his legs shaking, and his whole being felt unsteady. Every organ, every cell was screaming mutiny and threatening to give out if he didn't rest right now. The only encouragement he seemed to receive at all was from his long dormant, empty belly, which gave a twinge of hunger as he took in the sight of the rabbits. Taking several deep breaths and forcing oxygen into his exhausted limbs, Hiccup strode forward and began skinning the rabbits in earnest, almost cutting off his own fingers several times in the process.

Soon, the meat was in the skillet and over the fire, sizzling merrily. The smell began to waft into the room, and Toothless licked his lips. Hiccup's stomach growled loudly and his mouth set to water painfully, his whole digestive system sparking to life at the prospect of a long overdue meal.

Many minutes later that seemed to take up a small eternity, the mean began to brown, and Hiccup was spearing it with a stick and feeding it to Toothless, who gulped it whole. Only after Toothless had eaten his fill did Hiccup finally feed himself, eating with his mouth open and letting the meat scorch his tongue in his impatience to let it cool. He managed to stuff an entire rabbit and part of another one into his gut, along with an unhealthy amount of air, before he deemed himself full and relaxed against his dragon.

Hiccup snuggled contentedly under a thick fur pelt, stomach noticeably distended to accommodate the large meal and his head already beginning to clear.

And that's when the hiccups started.

Toothless' ears perked and he looked at his rider strangely. Hiccup just stared back, raising an eyebrow, before his mouth quirked up in an amused grin.

"If you've ever wondered –hic- what a hiccup is bud, this is it," he explained, "A bubble of air that gets stuck –hic- when you eat too fast or if you laugh too hard. Sends your diaphragm into spasms. Weird, huh? –hic-"

Toothless, upon hearing his explanation and realizing that his boy was in no danger, snorted, shook his head, and lay his head back down, curling his tail over Hiccup's lap. He was sleeping within a matter of moments, lulled by the crackling of the fire and the strange but somewhat pleasant sounds of Hiccup's…well, hiccups.

The smile didn't disappear off the young Viking's face. His hiccups, while annoying, were like laughter or song in a silent room; something amusing, normal, and a sign that things were going to get better. The food in combination with plenty of rest and a will rekindled would do wonders for healing him, and he bet he would be better by spring. And then he and Toothless could shake out the last of the cobwebs and mold and take off into the skies once more, the wind beating their faces and no one in their way. They would be kings of their domain once again, blood flushing furiously, wild young bodies sinuously twisting and flexing among the rays of the sun. They would be two incorrigible flames of bachelorhood and two sets of shining green eyes always locked on the edge of the world.

But first Hiccup had to get rid of his hiccups. And wrap his mind around the fact that his belly was warm and full of rabbit and wouldn't be waking him up with hunger pangs tonight. And that his coughs had quieted down.

In no time at all, Hiccup's head began to nod and he was snoring gently against his dragon's side, a restless young thing yearning to burst from his dark shell of unwanted-ness, and leap into the body of a man haloed by the golden light of wholeness and pride.


End file.
